Dikuasai Robot

 

Twin Cafe, Gambir, Central Jakarta.
Green tea ice cream, gloomy weather, lonesome vibrant, and people passerby. 

Suatu hari saya menonton film Transformer dengan sahabat saya, Bagaskara. Iya, film tentang robot di dunia manusia ini. Beberapa robot mencoba mengambil alih dunia manusia tetapi pada akhirnya bumi dapat dipertahankan dari beberapa robot yang ingin menguasai tadi. Film pun selesai, manusia lega.

Setelahnya, sahabat saya itu berbicara sambil memakan salad sayurnya (dia kadang-kadang vegetarian), 

“Dam, lo lihat deh sekeliling. Sebenarnya, Transformer alias robot-robot sudah mulai menguasai bumi. Tapi alih-alih menguasai bumi, mereka lebih hebat, mereka menguasai manusia. Menjadikan manusia tidak akan pernah bisa hidup tanpanya”

Saya melihat sekeliling, mendapati semua orang memegang gadget alias telepon genggam pintarnya. Mereka saling berbicara dengan kawan di sebelahnya, tapi dengan posisi mata yang menatap teleponnya masing-masing. Seseorang di ujung malahan sibuk memasukkan colokan listrik untuk mengisi baterai teleponnya. 

“Lihat? Mereka menguasai kita dengan membuat manusia bergantung padanya. Telepon genggam pintar itu hampir selalu berada di tangan manusia-manusia ini. Berusaha menjadi indera keenam manusia. Iya, kita secara pikiran dan perasaan telah dikuasai robot. Sialan”.

Tidak jadi akhirnya saya mengeluarkan telepon genggam untuk sekedar mengecek media-media sosial. Buru-buru saya masukkan kembali ke saku kanan saya diam-diam.

Kecewa banget sama diri sendiri beberapa hari ini. Ngabisin waktu untuk hal sia-sia, ngabisin uang yang seharusnya ditabung, dan yang paling bikin kecewa adalah ngelewatin waktu sholat karena yang lain pada ga sholat.

Malu banget sama Allah SWT, Tuhan yang bulan ini ngasih banyak banget kejutan baik untuk saya. Bukannya berterima kasih sama Dia, malah kufur nikmat. Ah, menyedihkan.

Pediatric Nutritional Treatment Workshop

What If

What if I love you?

What if I love you through these impossible situations that happen between us?

What if these feelings of love and lust grow from the sight of my eyes, spread all over my body through my bloodstream, and ended up in the bottom of my heart?

Do you believe that I have tried many ways to throw away this love I have for you, but that bottom of my heart is extremely deep so it was hard to throw away this feeling?

Deep. So deep until it aches my heart.

Do you believe that everytime my eyes see you, it is all start again that this love spread all over my body through my bloodstream and ended up in the bottom of my heart?

The aches of love time by time fill my heart from the bottom to its whole part. Make my heart sinking so I lose my breath day by day. 

What if I love you while you are with him and I sleeplessly trying to sleep on my bedroom on late of night?

So, once again, tell me what if I love you by keep hurting my own heart?

Because this is the only way I know how to love someone. 

 
And you’re the only person I love until today.

Kebetulan

Saat sahabat saya, Ilham Nara, membicarakan ingin memiliki anak kembar, datanglah truk dengan stiker besar bertuliskan "Si Kembar".
Ketika kemudian saya mengingat tarian nandak ondel-ondel, kemudian saya melewati sekolah yang murid-muridnya senam pagi dengan lagu demikian.
Ketika saya ingin pergi ke Bandung, kantor pun tiba-tiba mengalihkan tempat pertemuannya jadi ke kota tersebut.

Hal-hal sepele ini mengingatkan sesuatu. Yakni, bila kita mengamatinya dengan lebih seksama, sebenarnya..tidak ada hal yang namanya kebetulan.

You (Again)

You first 'Hi' is a short word that tooks a long regret.
Two letters that takes two years to forget.
Or it might be more. Two words which I wish I had never heard. Ever.

The memories of you stays too long in my heart and mind.
It's not supposed to be like this. I supposed to be moving on by some time,
but this is hell too long, even Tom Hansen of 500 Days of Summer laughing at me.

I would like to go to that portions of my head where memories about you stay.
But the way to there is so labyrinth. And so I trapped in there.

It is the first time in my life I am wholeheartedly to say:
Fuck You.

?

He feels like the world is changing so fast nowadays.
And when he looks at the mirror, he feels like he changes so fast either.
He feels pathetic.
even his ownself betrayed him.

Namaste

Beberapa hari lalu, tempat kerja saya kedatangan 80 dokter dan praktisi kesehatan dari India. Saya beetugas menyampaikan hal-hal penting mengenai gambaran pelayanan kesehatan masyarakat di Indonesia, serta hal-hal apapun yang mereka ingin ketahui.

Jadi suatu kesegaran untuk saya saat mereka datang, dibalik rutinitas menangani pasien semata. Kedatangan mereka juga mengingatkan saya akan teman-teman saya semasa kuliah yang banyak beretnis India.

Di ujung sesi, mereka memberikan saya sebuah kotak kayu berisi saputangan dan dasi dari India. Such a warmth. Nandri!

Brand Your Self, not Your Items

She entered the room with pride.

She had plastic surgeries for her eyes and nose, as beauty as a barbie.

She wore all luxurious branded items all over her body.

Using all kinds of latest gadget that she can only use for entertainment.

Zara. Gucci. Blackberry. Jewelries. Ipad. Guess. 

Versace. Armani. Polo. Kickers. Mikimoto. Named it.

She feels alive and expensive.

Deep inside her heart she is wondering:
whether it is her using the brands or the brands that using her.
and it looks like:
She brand her body with branded items but she forget to brand her personality.
And when she naked without all of those brands, she feels empty and cheap.

Thoughts of You

I love you and hate you at the same time

I remember the way you smile, the way you speak, the way you walk

the way you love me and the way you leave me.

I remember many things when we were still an us

Not the faraway and strange you and me like now

The thoughts of you fills a portion in my head

icing and being stoned inside my brain.

and everytime I remember you

that thoughts freeze in my mind

making the most painful frostbite I have ever had.

I remember you almost everyday

making the pain remains immortal in my life.

Happy Ramadhan

Hey! I've been busy in the past two months, I will tell about it later. It's been the 4th day of Ramadhan. I wish us the best of Ramadhan, the lessons and pahala that we received. Happy Ramadhan, folks!

Just A Ride

One day my senior asked me where did I park my car. I said to her that I don't bring any vehicle. In fact, I'm using public transportation. She got shocked and asking how could be. She asked me why didn't you ask your parents for a car or using their car to go. She asked me easily like it is an easy and a must-have items.

I didn't come from a rich and exclusive family and I still consider car is tertiary need. I surrounded with many friends who came from rich family and sometimes I am the only one who use public transportation. But I am not ashamed at all because all I know it's not their car or money, it's their parents' car. 

My parents offer me to buy a motorcycle but I refused because since doing interns until now I never ask for money and  I want to buy it with my own sweat. Alhamdullilah I received a motorcycle by winning Abang None Jakarta Barat competition. It is such a good colours to my story, from using public transportation, to motorcycle, and car in the future. 

Having a cool and hedonistic lifestyle is not my priority. I am working to support my family and saving almost 70%! of my salary for my education in the future. So basically I spend my salary for savings. Becoming a specialist doctor is my obsession and my priority. It needs a very lot of money and I don't want to burden my parents. Sometimes I look at my friends who easily think about school because they didn't have to think about the educational fee, while I need to work harder to preparing my education: materially and financially. But I believe that this is God's plan and It's my privilege to work harder than others.

So yeah, I am enjoying my day using that public transportation nowadays. There's more to life than a ride and gengsi.

O Amigo Mio!

Last night, I went to Mashuri's wedding, a senior high friend. Wedding ceremony is not only about celebrate the wedding but also an event of reunion. Last night, I met many of my senior high school friends. We are all changed, especially in shape. There are no single person who has body shaped like we used to have. It's funny, happy and shocking. 

Some friendship are remain unchanged despite problems, time, and distance. I didn't meet them in years and didn't contact them frequently. But when we met, It's easy to create the bond like we used to be. Nothing is changed among us, we love, care, and miss each other as usual. As I already move back to the city. We plan to re-do things that we usually did when we were younger.

This is one of friendship I'm talking about and some pictures of our reunited.

 I am back and let's get silly together again!

Perfect Stranger

Dear you, the perfect stranger.

Who are you? What's your name? Where did you come from?

Please don't make this as an endless question mark that becomes bigger.

Dear you, dear you, the perfect stranger.

Why did you leave so fast before I could catch you.

I'll walk and run if you give me one more second chance.

Dear you, dear you, dear you, the perfect stranger.

Please get out of my mind soon because I couldn't bear more thoughts about you.

But..

Please stay on my mind if there's a chance that we could meet again soon.

And I will make You and I are no stranger anymore.

Sesal

Dari banyak hal-hal baik yang pernah gue dapat dan sedikit prestasi yang gue pernah raih, gue bangga sama diri sendiri bukan karena gue menang, tapi karena gue udah berani mencoba. Gue kecewa bukan karena gue kalah, tetapi saat gue gak berani mencoba. Saat memutuskan untuk berani mencoba, terlepas dari berhasil atau tidaknya, gue telah mendapatkan jawabannya. Jawabannya bisa jadi "Alhamdullilah, gue menang" atau "yah, belum beruntung rupanya", tapi apapun hasil akhirnya, setidaknya di masa depan gue gak bertanya-tanya pada diri gue sendiri kenapa dulu gue gak ikut dan kalau gue ikut hasilnya apa ya. 

Oke, penyesalan memang hal yang sia-sia, tapi banyak penyesalan-penyesalan mengenai kurang berani mencoba ini terus menghantui gue. Sampai saat ini, bahkan ada beberapa penyesalan yang masih mengikuti gue. Dalam waktu-waktu bengong, kadang muncul pertanyaan "kenapa dulu lo gak coba, Dam?! Bisa jadi itu rejeki lo". Ah, entahlah, semoga perasaan gak enak yang lalu udah tertinggal di tanggal kemarin, cuman pelajarannya aja yang menancap di hati agar gue gak menyia-nyiakan kesempatan lagi.

Di beberapa tahun belakangan, seharusnya banyak hal-hal baik yang dulu gue coba, kompetisi yang harusnya bisa gue ikuti, hubungan dengan teman yang bisa dieratkan ulang, dan banyak lainnya.

24 years old. My golden time is running out. I should avoid any regrets on my future. I don't wanna have more regrets in my future simply because my lack of intention. I'm fasten my seat belt.

Going Home

"I'm an alien, I'm a legal alien..."

I just arrived home today. Got back from my one year internship away on South Sumatera. The first arrival feeling was kinda awkward. It's funny how a year could make me feels like a total stranger to my own city. The house feels like a brand new thing, the vibe of the traffic, the people that pass me by, or even the air that i breath. All taste like a new thing that I completely forget.

I have to set up almost every aspects of my life now. It's like living in a newly bought place where this phase I am stepping on need so many planning and arrangement. I'm praying for happiness, peace of mind and general security. Welcoming me, welcoming you, Jakarta.

Ja-Kar-Ta

A city that will make you either more patient or more emotional

Istikharah

Dear Allah SWT, The Most Merciful, The Most Wise of all kind.

Please answer my Istikharah very soon.

Peace

We saw it so frequently on the news on television, newspaper, or any media. The war between Israel and Palestine. I guess many of us would think, “Why can’t they stop? Why can’t the UN solved it? Why does it happen for years? Crap! I think peace is something achievable on that problem”. I….ever said this once when I accompanied Bagas when he making his architectural project.

I grumped about that and hear him saying, ”We easily think about that and say those comments. We judged them but we forgot to look our reflection in the mirror”. I didn’t understand what he said and giving him confusing face.

Then he asked me, “Dam bro, before you think about Israel and Palestine, think about your self. Remember your enemies or simply someone who hurt you in the past? Have you overcome your problems with them? Have you forgive them? Have you at least trying to forgive them? Or you just keep those anger, refuse to forget it, and still keeping those anger?”

“Now, let's think about those people that you don’t like, people who hurt you, people who hate you, list them, and try to have peace with them. Be kind with people you don’t like, forgive who hurt you, keep calm for those you  hate you. I know it’s hard, but God knows if we were trying”

Sometimes my friend punch me straight in my face with his words. But this time, he had a point. He said that we are too busy thinking about Israel-Palestine but we forget to forgive our enemies. Maybe those wars that happen in this world is simply a greater reflection of those little wars among us. Maybe there would be no peace in this world until everyone of us have the peace itself with their sorroundings.

.

Tinggi Mimpi

“Jangan mimpi terlalu tinggi, nanti kalau jatuh sakit”

Kata-kata itu sering banget ga sih diucapkan orang seolah itu pepatah? Gue seringkali mendengarnya dan gue…..engga suka banget sama kata-kata itu. Setiap kali mendengarnya, gue selalu mensugesti telinga gue untuk menutup dan otak gue untuk menolak kalimat itu untuk diproses.

‘Jangan mimpi terlalu tinggi, nanti kakau jatuh sakit. Jangan berharap banyak, kalau engga kesampean nanti kecewa berat’. Menurut gue, hal itu salah aja. Mimpi itu adalah ruang bebas terbesar manusia. Di dalam impian-impianlah, manusia bisa berencana dalam khayalan. Kalau mimpi kita terlalu rendah, kalau jatuh kita tidak merasa sakit, bahkan tidak merasa apa-apa, dan itu adalah sia-sia terbesar. Sia-sia banget pikiran kita yang sebebas itu hanya digunakan untuk mimpi-mimpi kecil.

Dulu gue pernah baca kata ini, “mimpilah setingkat di atas ekspektasi kita, karena hukum gravitasi berlaku di dunia ini”. Dengan bermimpi lebih dari ekspektasi awal kita, usaha kita akan lebih besar dari target sehingga bila terdapat faktor-faktor dan hambatan di luar, kita tak akan jatuh terlalu ke bawah. 

Ya, begitulah, menurut gue. Mimpilah sebesar-besarnya. Pikiran kita anugerah. Pikiran kita adalah ruang bebas terbesar. Asal jangan lupa bangun dari mimpi, untuk mewujudkannya jadi kenyataan.