Karena kamu bukan robot.

Apa yang membedakan manusia dari hewan?

Manusia punya akal dan nurani. Namun, bila manusia hanya mengandalkan akal tanpa nurani ikut campur tangan, maka keputusan manusia akan serupa robot. 

Banyak peraturan diciptakan oleh manusia. Terkadang manusia amat memuja hitam diatas putih, padahal dunia dan isinya penuh dengan warna. Satu hal bisa punya beragam interpretasi dan makna.

Ingat tentang kasus seorang nenek kelaparan yang mencuri satu singkong untuk cucunya di kebun suatu tuan sehingga harus dipenjara? Ingat pula kah tentang kasus-kasus pasien di era lalu dimana beragam rumah sakit harus menolak pasien karena administrasi yang tidak tepat? Ingat kah tentang seorang paskibraka yang berbulan-bulan menyiapkan diri dan berlatih tiap terik tetapi hampir tidak boleh jadi paskibraka karena ia tak punya surat-surat yang menyatakan ia WNI?

Secara hitam dan putih, orang-orang itu salah. Secara tertulis dan peraturan, mereka harus dihukum. Namun, untungnya ada kasus dimana nurani masih punya gaungnya untuk menyelamatkan mereka. 

Apakah hakim yang punya nurani jadi bersalah karena ia menyalahi peraturan?

Secara hitam dan putih, jelas ia menyalahi peraturan. Namun, lagi-lagi, hukum itu buatan manusia. Tidak ada kebenaran absolut tentangnya. Hukum senantiasa berubah, tetapi nurani bersifat kekal. Walau seringkali, ia tertutup.

Adakalanya, manusia harus menggunakan akal dengan dipadu nurani lebih baik. Untuk melihat dunia lebih dari sekedar hitam dan putih. Untuk mengaturulang kedua mata bahwa dunia ini sejujurnya penuh warna. Dan untuk menilik kembali bahwa tak semua kesalahan itu butuh hukuman. Dan karena tak semua hukuman menyelesaikan masalah.

Diceritakan kembali dari catatan kuliah Bumi pada suatu kelas filsafat di sore hari.

Don't worry.

It was a rough week so far. Yesterday, I was urgently needed some shots of coffee and a laid back conversation to overcome my stress. I met a friend of mine from my undergrad university in a cafe near my campus named Leiden. 

It was a good sunny afternoon and we both ordered a cup of iced coffee. We talked about two hours and I told him about some of my obstacles. Then, my friend told me some thing that I almost forgot about the past life of my university life.

My friend said: "Don't worry, you will be okay lah and you will just go through this phase. Your life is a bit miserable, but somehow I always see it interesting". My friend then continue:

"Bro, you were the frickin' only person who did not have a single laptop nor computer during our undergraduate university life! You were the only person that will submit several tasks by handwriting it down in papers while everyone who was sane and normal will of course type and print it. And you were frickin survive! So just keep going your peculiar way and beat again your obstacles. I don't know. I just have the gut that you will always find your way"

His words pushed me back to a decade ago - to some moments that I accidentally forget (or maybe my brain tried to suppress the bad experience of my life). I remember how freak I was during my university life. I did not have any computer so I did write my tasks handwritten and use computer in my campus lab or warnet because my family cannot afford one. 

At that time, I was not ashamed at all. Besides, it was the only way I know. It got me thinking how suffer I was but no sadness was left at this moment. Nowadays, It was a joke I will be laughing at. 

Beginning of Seasons by Kevin Aditya

Above is a single blog post by Kevin Aditya circa 2012 and I really like until now. I was reading it around new year but I still can relate to the words until recently. It's like a prayers; It's like a words that give positivity in the air.

About seniority

Never be too proud about being a senior.
Since everyone will eventually reach to that point.
It's just a matter of time,
so it's not a special thing.

The essential thing is
whether you are a good senior or the lesser one.

It's not about the years,
it's about how you treat yourself with some manners
and how you treat others with some respects.

Remember,
Never be too proud about being a senior.

Damar

An Ordinary Walk

Everyday I walk on foot to my university hospital and vice versa. My journey to hospital takes around 15-20 minutes and so far, for the past two and a half years, I liked it so much. First, there was just a usual neighborhood that full of university students named Pogung. Then I cross a mini bridge into Engineering Faculty of UGM. This place was my favorite during my daily trip to hospital. It was so green and calming to walk under the high trees and sloppy roads. Usually in the morning, there was so many birds that singing along among the trees as I passed a bridge inside the faculty. Then I arrived and have to start my daily tasks at Sardjito Hospital.

On the way back home, I took the same path towards home. I used to walk alone but these past several months, good friend of mine Wisvici also like to walk on foot to home. Sometimes we talk during our trip but sometimes we just silently enjoy the stillness and ended with some byes at the end.

Well, I know it's so ordinary and maybe none of you could relate how a simple daily walk could be this fun. But I actually agree with what Cullum said on one of his song. It goes:

"When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life, 

I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time."

I am very sure that years ahead, I will miss this simple walk.

Dim.

Some people search for a simplest dim of light to brighten up their life.
They pray.
They pursue.
They strive.
They fuckin work hard to get that light.
But when the dim of light came into their life.
They close their eyes forever.
Because they are just too afraid to hurt their eyes.
Because they fuckin used to darkness.

So they die in the darkness. Still.
And the dim of light got sad.
They die too.

Colorless.

There's madness in everyone. Some are just sleeping underneath.
Those with deepest sleep creates biggest volcanoes.

Manchester by The Sea

Definitely one of the greatest drama movie I have ever seen. A great story filled with emotions that brought me up and down. Affleck was acting great, no wonder he received the Oscar for this role. 

So long, Partner.

Well, another passed-away friend this week.

Although currently we were not so closed like we used to be,

still, it hurts. 

It hurts because although we were never seen each others again for years,

people are eternal. So are my friends. They will always live in a protective shelter called: memories.

I will still remember how my friend Dilla put salt on my cup of tea and how she liked my exercise book so much. 

I will always remember Fatur, my friend who used to always wait for me to get home together on our university bus one-hour daily trip. 

and now there was Febi, a crazy extrovert human being who spread all energies to his all surrounding with his jokes and his annoying laughter. 

Well, no matter how I never ever met them again before, I guess they will always live inside my mind. All I need is some occasions like songs, movies, or random thoughts to instantly bring those memories about them again. 

People are eternal. 

Happy passed away, my friends. 

I will be missing you. 

Diantara Kemoterapi

Selamat Malam, Februari.

Entah kenapa sudah dua minggu terakhir ini, sore di Yogyakarta selalu diisi oleh hujan yang lumayan deras. Yap, hujannya selalu mulai di sore hari sekitar pukul empat dan berlangsung sampai sekitar pukul sepuluh. Kalau begini, jadinya kalau pulang ke kost harus hujan-hujanan, ya tapi kalau disuruh milih antara hujan pagi dan hujan sore, mungkin hujan sore aja karena kalau hujannya pagi, ke rumah sakitnya jadi repot hehe.

Ngomong-ngomong, gue lagi tugas di Bangsal Kanker Anak bulan ini. Tugas di bagian ini lumayan berat karena pasiennya cukup banyak, program pasiennya juga lumayan ribet, dan banyak kerjaan administratif yang harus ditulis-tulis. Saya dan teman kerja saya jadi harus berangkat pagi-pagi sekali.

Sesungguhnya, selama tugas di bagian ini, waktu untuk belajar dan membaca lebih berkurang karena sehari-hari sibuk dengan masalah administratif pasien. Menulis, menulis, dan menulis surat ini dan itu. Berangkat gelap dan pulang gelap bikin rasanya ingin cepat istirahat aja kalau sudah sampai kamar. Namun, walau begitu, disini belajar banyak tentang kehidupan sih.

Walaupun banyak penyakit kanker anak yang bisa diobati, lumayan banyak juga yang harus menderita bahkan meninggal karenanya. Kebayang ga sih, kalau seorang anak kecil usia 5 tahun harus menahan rasa nyeri akan kankernya? Atau coba bayangkan anak usia 17 tahun yang kakinya harus diopearasi? Padahal ia sendiri dulu adalah kapten futsal? Ada juga pasienku yang usianya baru tiga tahun tapi ga punya mata lagi karena kedua bola matanya terkena kanker.

Tidak semua dokter punya kemampuan berhadapan dengan kondisi psikologis pasien yang demikian. Salah bicara sedikit, orang tua bisa langsung menangis bahkan pingsan. Ya disini saya jadinya belajar juga bagaimana untuk memberitakan kabar buruk untuk keluarga pasien.

Hal lain yang buat gue belajar adalah senyum mereka. Gue punya banyak banget pasien yang punya senyum lebih indah daripada senyum artis secantik apapun. Dengan rambutnya yang botak cenderung jarang-jarang, mereka bisa senyum dan bercanda-canda diatas penyakitnya. Yang gue lihat dari mereka adalah mereka punya kekuatan untuk menerima nasib mereka sambil berjuang untuk perlahan-lahan terlepas dari kanker.

Sentimental, tapi gue beneran sayang banget sama mereka. Semoga Tuhan selalu memberi berkah yang berlimpah dibalik kanker yang dialami. Bulan ini, gue akan berjalan dengan mereka untuk setidaknya mencoba membantu dan membuat mereka lebih nyaman selama menjalani pengobatan. Sampai jumpa esok hari.