Several these weeks, I feel some kind of a hole sensation in my days. In my definition, a hole sensation is a sense of emptiness without knowing what is actually made you feel like that. These past few weeks, I did my work, my extra jobs, my book reading, and so on but passionless. I think about it over and over again and found out that this thing is caused by my incomplete five times prayers.
I have to admit that I do lose some of my prayer times these several weeks. Sometimes it's because of I was on a trip, sometimes because of traffic, or sometimes, which made me super sad, is due to lack of intention.
Late at night when I go to sleep, I feel a different version of me talking to my own self and asking how many times do I skip prayer today and why. Then I sleep with preoccupied mind as a sinful person.
More than that, I frequently feel ashamed.
I see back on my life that how Allah SWT gave me so many blessings. How could God be so kind to me but I did not thank God enough by simply doing prayer on time.
My responsibility is simply doing five times prayers that take so little time, compare to eternal bliss that Allah SWT has given to me.
God, Allah SWT, forgive me.
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