Drowning

Immense darkness

So it's about a man. A man whom other people won't consider lonely since he seems like having so many photograph smiling with many peers on his account. But sometimes we just cannot judge people just by looking at it.

It still about a man. A man who being attacked by lonesome feeling on his way back to home on the train. He is surrounded by so many people, strangers exactly. Strangers that chatting all along and some who still looking at their cellphone all the time. 

And it is still about a man. A man who sometimes afraid of declare and convince that he has already found a new best friend, a mate. A fear that he feels because he is afraid that life will take it again like some of his previous one. Like one best friend on his junior high that got to leave for another city, like one on his senior high that his mother prohibited because she was afraid that his son was going to be a bad boy although he was still be such a kind and obedient one, or like one on his college that just simply gone away because his friend was just too busy with his love life, or else and else. 

He is aware that he has a loving parents and a loving girlfriend, but sometimes it is much more beyond that.  He was raised an only child and broken, and friends were used to be their brothers and sisters. He was such an awkward human being with intense introversion that not every single one could open up to him and vice versa. Sometimes when he was losing a friend not because of his own fault, he was thinking maybe it's God's way although he is still wondering why. 

He is still afraid of losing. He is still wondering Why God about this and that. On his dark bedroom with a ray of city's night building out there, he is lying on his bed and thinking. Time by time, his immense loneliness take over his whole feeling. He tries to warm up his body by blanket, but the cold still covers him.

Finally, it is still about a man. A man who is drowning. And he is drowning and drowning and drowning on his own ocean of loneliness. And he does not know anything about smoke, beers, drugs, or clubs. And so he is trying to sleep. Because it is his only place where he could stay.